The road to healing is never straightforward. It is a long, winding road full of bumps and obstacles. One moment, you may be cruising at a steady pace, hitting all of those green lights at intersections, believing you are finally getting where you need to go. Next, you hit traffic. You’re hitting all those red lights, there’s a goose family crossing the road, and a tree fell obstructing your path. One day it may be sunny with clear conditions, and the next it’s pouring and you can barely see. Although frustrating, it is important to remember that this is normal. Think about when you drive to work or school. Are you always able to get to work on time? Sometimes, even when we account for obstacles, like remembering you need to leave earlier if you want to stop for coffee, or waking up earlier to account for your morning routine, things don’t always work out. The drive-thru line can be longer than usual, or your cat could throw up randomly as you were about to head out the door. Life has a way of being unpredictable. Whether you are healing from trauma, a breakup, a layoff, grief, or something that happened years ago, the healing process is all the same; it never is a straightforward path.
As we travel down the winding road of healing, we need to remember that no matter what obstacle gets thrown in our way, we can overcome it. Some days, it might be hard to eat. You could be sick to your stomach. You could feel glued to your bed, not even being able to get up and use the bathroom. Other days, you could wake up and feel as if nothing had ever even happened. You could feel ready to move on from the sudden change in your life and then feel pangs of guilt for even feeling that way minutes later. In these scenarios, life can feel crippling. It is important to note that this is completely normal. You are going to cry. You are going to be angry. There will be days you are so upset you feel like you can barely function. But there will also be days where you will feel stronger than ever. The main point is that you need to be ready to feel all of the parts of the healing process.
I Feel Terrible. Why?
You may be familiar with the five stages of grief. Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance, which can be abbreviated as DABDA. We are taught that these apply to grief, or the passing of a loved one. However, the five stages of grief can be applied to pretty much anything you need to heal from. These stages can happen in no particular order. They can happen multiple times, even multiple times in a day. This will feel extremely overwhelming. From experience, the best way to combat these feelings is through a support system. This can be friends or family, anyone who has your back. A counselor, social worker, therapist, or any mental health professional can be a great resource to use as well. Understandably, even if you have a support system, it is normal to feel alone still. The best way to combat this feeling is to find enjoyment in life, even if you don’t want to, even if you feel like you cannot, even if you have to look behind closed doors.
What Comes Next? Where Do I Go From Here?
It may be hard to continue doing the things you’ve always enjoyed. From my own experience, everything I loved to do seemed dampened by the loss of an important relationship. It felt like everything I ever enjoyed reminded me of what I once had. It may even feel like you aren’t allowed to enjoy the things you once did, but that is not true. Even if things have changed, you are allowed to participate in what makes you happy. You are allowed to cope, in fact, you should. Things won’t feel normal at first. You may feel empty, like a shell of who you used to be. That’s okay. You just went through a major change. But that doesn’t mean you have to waste away, however it doesn’t mean you have to be back up and ready to go either. Coping is all about finding a medium that works for you. Through baby steps, and taking it day by day, we can slowly get back on our feet.
You may be tired of hearing this, I know I was, but besides your support system, hobbies are a great way to reconnect with yourself. Now, I loathe the gym. I can only use 10 lb weights. But I do know exercise lowers cortisol levels in your body. Cortisol is our stress hormone, what gets released when we are in fight or flight mode, and what makes you feel so awful. Cortisol is important for us, it allows us to engage our sympathetic nervous system and allows us to keep ourselves out of danger. But constantly living with high cortisol is not good for us. Constant reminiscing or brooding on the past is one of the ways cortisol stays constantly high. You are constantly retriggering your fight or flight instincts by being stuck on your past. I know it is hard to move on from whatever you are healing from, and you cannot just “stop” thinking about it. So we are going to have to find a way to combat these high cortisol levels. Like mentioned before, exercise is a great way to naturally reduce stress. You don’t have to be doing heavy lifting in the gym to do this, even a thirty minute walk can be beneficial to your health. During my healing process, I knew that if I listened to music during my walks, it would turn sad and only remind me of what I was (and still am!) healing from. So I started listening to podcasts. In fact, it made me feel like I was with a friend. I would listen to silly podcasts about lighthearted subjects, and with the combination of humor and a good walk, I was feeling better by the end. If walking or lifting doesn’t sound appealing, maybe try something new! I decided to start taking dance classes as my electives in college. Knowing I was paying for a class and had to attend for a grade almost forced me to go daily. Even if I was feeling down, I knew I had to go. At the end of the class, I was feeling better. If dance isn’t your speed, there are millions of other options out there like kickboxing, yoga, pilates, cycling, etc. The point is, there is an exercise for anyone and everyone out there, and I encourage anyone struggling with their healing process to get out there and give one a try. It will only benefit you in the long run!
Working out isn’t the only way to reduce cortisol. Being able to participate in the arts or any hobby you enjoy is another fantastic way to reconnect with yourself and reduce stress levels. Puzzles, board games, thrift shopping, farmers markets, jewelry making, crocheting, baking and cooking, painting, writing, etc. are all amazing ways to express yourself through amusement. In fact, this is a great time to pick up a new hobby. This new hobby can signify the start of your new chapter. Trying something new can also help you build the confidence you need to feel like yourself again.
Day by Day
Whatever you are healing from, please know that you will be okay. You will! It may not seem like it now, but this is only a portion of your story. I even had to write “I will be okay” on my mirror and look at it every day to start believing it. But plain and simple, you will be okay-and you will never have to go through this alone. Like stated before, a mental health professional can help you work through tough feelings and periods where you feel like you cannot bounce back. If you or somebody you love is starting their healing journey and would like to seek help from a counselor, consider Counseling Simplified. We can get you scheduled as soon as possible. Call us at (765)-647-4884 or email admin@counselingsimplified.com to get started.
I cannot guarantee that this healing process will be easy. There will be unpredictable bends in the road that throw you off, and days where you won’t even believe the road was tough to drive on. But no matter what, just remember that you can do this.
Written By Jessica Kobrick, Intern
Jessica is an Undergraduate Intern at Counseling Simplified in West Lafayette. She is currently an undergraduate at Purdue, studying psychology, human sciences, and family development.