Going into the new year, many people set goals for new habits and personal changes they want to make. Drinking more water, hitting the gym, and writing in a journal are just some examples of goals people set for themselves in the new year.
But those same people often fail to stick to their habits, either quitting entirely, restarting multiple times, or feeling generally frustrated with how they handle their habits. Add to that above-average stress or anxiety, and the pressure can feel exhausting.
It is important to understand that failing to stick to a habit is not an indication of laziness or lack of character. Habits assume our daily life is static and unchanging, but that is rarely true. So instead of being down on yourself for not meeting your habit goals, which can increase your anxiety and stress, it’s important to reassess how you’re trying to implement the habit.
Many factors, such as emergencies, stress and anxiety, the environment, accessibility, and identity are important when it comes to forming habits. Because some of these are beyond personal control, it’s difficult to make significant changes that involve these areas in a short time span. It’s not about you failing to practice discipline or motivation – it’s about you having to integrate your habits into a system that you don’t control.
That integration doesn’t happen overnight.
What Makes Changing Habits Difficult for People With anxiety and Stress?
Our brains have two processes when it comes to going through our day: automatic and controlled processing.
Automatic processing is done without needing to put any effort in thinking about it. This includes walking, writing in our native language, and even drinking water. Controlled processing requires more time, effort, and patience. This is the processing we use for more complex things like critical thinking and careful decision making.
Habits fall under the automatic category. They are unconscious decisions or actions we take without much thinking required to initiate them.
But we often try to rely on controlled processes to change our habits – discipline, willpower, motivation – and then get frustrated when we fail.
Stress, anxiety, and fatigue further hinder our controlled processes, making it even harder to stick to our habits. Add to this the pressure to perform a new habit “perfectly,” and it’s no wonder we struggle.
Some strategies to change your habits that typically don’t work out for people with high stress and anxiety include relying on motivation or inspiration, setting rigid rules, copying routines that don’t accommodate their lifestyle, and expecting quick results.
What are Effective Strategies for Anxious, Stressed People to Change Their Habits?
1. Your approach matters
The first step to effectively changing your habits is the approach and mindset you use to guide the change. Having an open mind is important, because the process won’t be easy. Giving yourself grace is absolutely essential so that one off-day doesn’t reset all of your progress.
Perhaps the most important element of your approach is that it is realistic. There is no point in trying to change if your goal is unachievable, especially if you are an anxious person or under a lot of stress. Unrealistic, unattainable goals will only make it harder for you to make progress.
To shape your approach to changing your habits, think about what habits are currently having a negative impact on your physical, emotional, and mental health. Think about small, gradual changes you might make to mitigate those habits and improve your stress and anxiety.
2. Start small, start slow
Once you’ve identified possible habits you could improve, take time to identify small, concrete changes you can make. Focus on one habit at a time and take it slow.
Trying to do too much at once can feel overwhelming and increase your anxiety or stress, negating all your progress. Rome wasn’t built in a day, so there’s no reason your habits need to change that fast, either!
3. Track your progress
Shakespeare said “Though she be but little, she is fierce.” He wasn’t talking about forming new habits, but it applies! Any progress is good progress.
Keep track of your small, slow progress so you see yourself improving. Research shows that self-encouragement helps you stick to the habit by reminding you of the progress you’re actively making.
It’s important to remember that one missed day does not mean failure or that you need to start over! Breaking your “streak” can be discouraging, but try not to let it completely derail your progress.
Instead, when you miss a day, think about what barriers prevented you from successfully completing your habit that day. Focus on how you can remove those barriers next time and treat the moment as a learning experience.
Don’t be too hard on yourself. Remember, changing habits is hard work, especially for people who are stressed and anxious.
How Long Should It Take To Change Habits For Stressed And Anxious People?
You have probably heard that it takes 21 days (or three full weeks) to shape and form new habits. Despite popular belief, this is actually a myth.
The “twenty-one day” myth originated in plastic surgeon Maxwell Maltz’s 1960 book Psycho-Cybernetics, in which he concluded that it took an average of about 21 days for patients to get used to their new appearance.
However, recent studies have found this to be false, concluding that it usually takes longer for people to form habits. A recent study in the United Kingdom found that it took an average of 66 days for people to form or change their habits.
There is no “one-size-fits-all” answer to the question of how long it takes to change a habit. But one thing is for sure – it isn’t quick.
So though you may not want to, be patient, give yourself grace, and keep trying.
“Good character is not formed in a week or a month. It is created little by little, day by day.”
– Heraclitus
Written By Jessica Kobrick, Intern
Jessica is an Undergraduate Intern at Counseling Simplified in West Lafayette. She is currently an undergraduate at Purdue, studying psychology, human sciences, and family development.